Are You a Douche

Not if you are one of our customers... in which case... you fucking rock!

Ok... so... where do we start...

There are so many walking around... which makes meeting women easier for the rest of us.

You are a douche if:

*****you are one of those people who think you look cool to walk out of a big cloud of vape smoke.

*****everybody knows you deal drugs because you have the uniform... the oversize "shorts" that come down to your ankles, the athletic tank top, the big gold chains, the gold rimmed sunglasses, and the ball cap turned around backwards.

*****you walk your dog/s on a busy social street by yourself for the sole purpose of hoping women will stop to meet your dog... and you think you're just gonna slide in there.

*****you sit WAAAAAAY tooooooooo low in your car, leaned over with one hand at the very top of the steering wheel

*****you're a white dude and you're hair is super curly and you grow it out long cuz you think it looks like a lion's mane

*****you drive your Benz/BMW/Volvo/Porsche/Corvette/Audi/Subaru/Lambo/Challenger/Mustang loudly... and at high speeds up and down the same busy street on a hot summer day... by yourself

*****you walk around talking loudly on your phone... but everybody knows there's nobody on the other end.

*****you ride your bicycle slowly down a busy street like 17th Ave in Calgary in a suit with a beard and pony tail... Jesus would push you the fuck off that bike, step on your throat with his dirty Chucks and cut that shit off the back of your head.

*****you're bearded but you know very well that you can't weld, change a tire, cut down a tree, or gut a fish.

*****you strut around in fluorescent yellow shoes that look like you coloured them with a highlighter

*****you ride a crotch rocket in a tank top

*****you ride a crotch rocket in a pack of other douches

*****you ride ANY motorcycle with a backpack

*****you ride a 10 speed all patched out in spandex sponsor labels... but don't have sponsors... cuz you are the next Lance Armstrong and go the distance.

*****your tee shirt has any of the following name brands across the chest of it: Von Dutch, Gucci, Ed Hardy, Tapout, Affliction, True Religion etc

*****you wear a man purse

*****if you just bought all the pastel clothes off the mannequin at the Gap and wore them out of the store

*****if you are either gender and are wearing a fanny pack

*****you look like you skip leg day and double down on arm,shoulder,chest,back day

*****you are an accountant, lawyer, human resources manager, financial planner, LARPER ,have never been in a fight, and drive a loud motorcycle.

*****you wear Louis Vuitton sandals, pastel shorts, and bright shirts

*****you drive a 4x4 shirtless with a snorkel kit and haven't even driven down a back alley

*****you have jailhouse, or "trendy" tribal or barbed wire tattoos

*****you hang out at hipster coffee shops with your MacBook writing your blog

*****you dyed your hair bright blond, really short all over except at the front where its tall with blue mirrored sun glass lenses

*****you are a girl and you think you can just shove your way through a busy club because you're hot

*****you don't get the fuck out of the way for people with disabilities

*****you are mean to immigrants

*****you are mean to the homeless

I'm tired