Mandruff Beardruff

There are 2 reasons why you would have beardruff.

You have mandruff beardruff in your beard because you don't wash that mutherfucker often enough and clumps of dead skin cells mixed with body oils fall out.

You Dirty Bastard

OR... if you do wash it regularly... the soap you use is too harsh which dries your skin out causing it to flake due to your bodies natural healing process!

So how do I get rid of beardruff?

The short answer... wash your beard with a gentle soap a couple times a week.

The long answer... we need to have a discussion about soap.

Soap is an alkaline... as opposed to an acid. Think back to chemistry class in high school Spicoli.

Soap is on the higher end of the pH spectrum (pH being Potential Hydrogen).. which for most purposes is on a 0 to 14 scale. Acids are at the lower end of the spectrum, 0-6... water with a pH of 7... is in the middle meaning it is neutral... neither acidic nor alkaline... . Alkalines (also called bases) are at the high end of the spectrum 8-14 .

The further a substance is from 7, the more caustic it is... which means it dissolves flesh. https://www.macleans.ca/news/world/stewmaker-dissolved-300-in-acid-baths/

Lye... which is used to make soap is about 14 on the pH scale which means in it's pure undiluted form also dissolves flesh... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_lSERfLMec

So for soap, the closer it is to 14, the more damaging it is to the skin.

Each increase up the scale... (for example 7 to 8) is a 10 x increase in harshness. Soap with a pH of 9 is 10 x more damaging to your skin than a soap with a pH of 8. https://sciencetrends.com/what-does-ph-stand-for-and-mean/

For your reference...

Household bleach and oven cleaner have a pH of 11-12

Irish Spring has a pH of 9.5

Ivory Soap has a pH of 9.5

Lever 2000 has a pH of 9

Baking soda has a pH of 9

Vice Soap has a pH of 8.5

Water has a pH of 7

Milk has a pH of about 6.5

Black coffee has a pH of about 5

Orange juice has a pH of about 3

Coke has a pH of 2.5

Lemon juice and vinegar have a pH of 2-2.2

Stomach acid has a pH of about 1

Car battery acid has a pH of about .7

http://www.skincaredupes.com/master-list-of-cleansers-ph/

https://www.livescience.com/7198-acids-popular-sodas-erode-tooth-enamel.html

https://www.khanacademy.org/science/biology/water-acids-and-bases/acids-bases-and-ph/a/acids-bases-ph-and-bufffers

https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+the+ph+of+milk&rlz=1CATTSD_enCA839&oq=what+is+the+ph+of+milk&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l7.4784j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Normal healthy skin has a pH of 5.4 to 5.9. So when you use a soap with a higher pH level, 10 or 11 for example, you raise the pH of your skin which breaks down the acid mantle on the surface of your skin that normally protects your skin from harmful bacteria. Using a soap with a high pH also breaks down the proteins which hold the skin cells together (the proteins are called corneodesmosomes and skin cells are called corneocytes).

https://www.sheffield.ac.uk/polopoly_fs/1.462759!/file/WCD_2983802.pdf

When the acid mantle and corneodesmosomes are trifled with (fuck you soap)... your skin becomes dehydrated/dried out... which allows moisture to escape, makes it thin and prone to irritation and a disruption of it's normal function. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4171909/

It also makes your skin more prone to wrinkles.

So... You go through life doing what you do... eating, dressing, exercising, fucking, sleeping, etc. As you live your life, skin cells die... which is normal... and shed... called desquamation... which is also normal... exposing new skin cells underneath.

Bathing is supposed to wash away the dead skin cells, natural body oils, dirt, and pollutants that accumulate as you live your life. Nasty Beardruff Cause Number 1... When you don't wash your skin and hair often enough, your skin's normal function is disrupted. You get a buildup of dead skin cells, mixed with body oils, dirt, and other pollutants, which doesn't go away on their own... They stay put which raises the possibility of you getting an infection should you cut yourself. It becomes itchy and so you scratch at it... which dislodges the clumps which drift down at the most inopportune times.

I grew a short wild beard when I was a young pup in university before it was a thing. It was only about an inch long but back then I didn't realize that I had to wash it... so... it was constantly flaking. I was also using harsh, commercially mass produced soap (cuz I didn't know any better) which just made the problem worse. I also didn't realize that some women love beards and some hate them and the girl I was with didn't like them and hinted that I would look better without it... so... it disappeared.

Nasty Beardruff Cause Number 2... When you wash your skin regularly... with a high pH soap (harsh), you dry your skin out excessively, it heals itself... then sheds the dead skin cells in a tiny snow falling kinda way.

Shameless Plug

When you're washing that greasy raccoon on your face you gotta get it nice and wet... and I realize that's gonna be hard for you because you've never even gotten your wife that worked up... so it's no wonder why you're struggling with this.

Using a puck of Vice Soap Beer Soap... cuz it's gentle... rub it on the outer part of your wet beard from side to side. Put the soap down somewhere it isn't gonna sit in water... (cuz like all good little humectants... it draws moisture to it) then start massaging the soap into your beard down to your jaw bone... that's where the problem is. Like a large Russian masseuse you gotta get in there deep baby. Spend 30 seconds or so rubbing it hard... I am purposely avoiding this joke opportunity.

Don't worry about covering the ends of your big ass man beard with soap because they are already dried out and don't need more.

Rinse the soap out of your beard thoroughly... if you have a little girl beard... it will be easy. If your beard is substantial and manly it will require a bit more work because lets face it... it... you're packing some large coconuts.

Next put a bit of conditioner in your hand.. Use both hands to slather it around in your beard where you will let it sit for a couple of minutes while it soaks into the hair shaft. While you're waiting, use Vice Soap to wash the essentials and smile knowing that you aren't contributing to dry balls. Cuz nobody likes dry balls.